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hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this episode I want to explore the question with you of whether you really want to be happy why aren't you happy in your life it's an interesting question do you realize yet that you are not happy in your life have you acknowledged that to yourself some people even hide that fact from them but hopefully you're aware enough to realize that you're not happy in your life otherwise we wouldn't be here having this discussion so the question is why are you not happy and I want to submit a pretty crazy possibility to you which is that you simply don't want to be happy you actually do not want to be happy and that sounds quite twisted and it would sound like well Leo why would I do that to myself why would I purposefully torture myself like that and and yes you're interesting let's take a look at that why do you do that to yourself well let me put it to you this way if I ask you the question do you really want to be unconditionally happy can you honestly say yes to that take this question seriously don't just kind of like say oh yeah of course of course leo it's obvious I do everyone does doesn't everyone no that's not obvious do you really want to be unconditionally happy let's explore what that really means if you say yes because most people what they want and what they're pursuing in life is they're pursuing conditional happiness so everyone almost everyone says yes to conditional happiness but I'm asking you unconditional happiness conditional happiness let's contrast and compare these two so conditional happiness this means that everything goes your way and then you're happy so that's easy everybody tries to do it that way that's what you've been doing your whole life the problem is it doesn't really work why doesn't it work well think about it it's actually very very logical on practical everyday terms right easy to understand why not what do you need to be conditionally happy means you need oxygen you need clean water you need good food you need sex you need shelter you need husband or a wife you need a good family you need to have fun you need entertainment you need a cell phone you need this you need that you need all these things hundreds maybe even thousands of things need to be happening in your life every single second and every single minute and every single hour and every single day of your entire life and as soon as it's not happening at any one point there then what happens you are no longer happy why not well because you selected conditional happiness that's what conditional happiness is is happiness when everything goes perfectly your way and it's unhappiness when something doesn't go your way and of course you know to get a thousand things perfectly aligned every single second of every single day well what are the odds of that happening pretty low right because the universe is a chaotic place and stuff happens that you don't want to happen so that's conditional happiness that's easy enough what happened conditional happiness unconditional happiness you might say well I want that Tullio well let's take a look at that do you really want unconditional happiness because to say yes to unconditional happiness would mean that you will be happy no matter what can you tolerate that think about that it's not as easy as it seems that means if you select to be unconditionally happy what that means is you you will be happy even if you don't get the food you like you will be happy even if your country has laws that aren't favorable to you you will be happy even if someone cuts you off in traffic you will be happy even if someone slaps you in the face for absolutely no reason you will be happy even if someone comes into your house at night and steals all your money you will be happy even if your business fails you will be happy even if your child gets kidnapped and raped you will still be happy you will be happy if your family gets murdered you will still be happy can you handle that a lot of people can't handle that because it's really funny what you've been doing your whole life is you've been setting up rules and conditions for happiness you've been telling yourself such it's like well I'll be happy when you know my family is doing great and I got enough money my bank account and I got a good job and my kids are going a good school and all this kind of stuff right so when I propose to you that you can be happy independent of all those things that presents a problem for you because your entire motivational system in life has been predicated upon achievement achievement of certain things and now I'm sort of robbing you of all your motivation because now for example if you can be happy without going to work then you might ask well why should I go to work and if you can be happy without going to school you should ask well why am I going to school then and if you could be happy without great food then you might want to wonder well why should I get good food then and if you can be happy without being successful you might wonder well why should I work so hard towards success and those are all very good questions um a lot of people would say no Leo I want to be working on my business I want my family to do nice right I want these things I won't be happy until these things happen I won't allow myself to be happy Leo I won't allow it because this is what I need to be happy and here we really get to the crux of the problem is that you don't know what to do with yourself when you're actually happy you've created these dogmatic rules for what you think you need to be happy but you've forgotten that the thing you're actually pursuing is happiness and not the the rules themselves right so if you believe you need to be successful to be happy for example or you need to have a lot of money to be happy or you need to have a thriving family to be happy um actually you've got it backwards what you need to do is you need to focus your mind on actual happiness and the means to the end that you're using should be disposable to you you see because if you do it the other way around then that means you can get caught in a loop of just doing activity for activities sake even when it no longer contributes to happiness for example you could get stuck pursuing success for 30 years of your life because you've disconnected success from happiness you see really what she want is you want success not happiness and therefore what she'll get is you'll get success and not happiness and then you'll say well that's fine but see it's not fine because what you fail to recognize is that what you actually want when every human being really wants is happiness fulfillment you want fulfillment that's what you really want not success not a great family not great food or anything else but you have to realize the ramifications of that if what you want is truly happiness and fulfilment that means that's like your ultimate goal that means if you get that that means nothing else matters to you that's what that means now most people can't handle this because to them it's like well leo that means then no I have no more reason to go to work I have no more reason to run a business I have no more reason to do all these things that I do that's right because what this reveals now is it reveals that all your reasons and motivations for doing things are improperly grounded and that's an important insight to have about all your motivations isn't it and you wonder why you have motivation issues could it be that the reason you have motivation issues is because your motivations are improperly grounded see as we grow up we use motivation kind of like a carrot and stick model where it's like when we do something wrong we hit ourselves over the head with a stick and when we do something right we give us themselves a little carrot and one of the ways you do this one of the really deep ways you do this is you create these kind of rules like well Leo I will be happy win-win I have $100,000 of cash in my bank account that's when I'll allow myself to be happy or you say to self I'll be happy when I have a thriving business that transforms the world in some kind of important way that's when I'll allow myself to feel happy or all feel happy at the end of the day only if I complete every item on my to-do list or all be happy only if I go to the gym and I'm able to benchpress 250 pounds this week if I can do that I'll be happy and what I'm telling you is that for you to honestly answer yes to the question of do you want to be happy you have to answer yes I want to be unconditionally happy which means that you have to accept that you will be happy even if you go to the gym and you can't lift those 250 pounds that means you'll be happy even if you are lazy that week and you don't go to the gym at all imagine that for some people that's a horrific idea why because your motivation your entire motivational system is basically a house of cards that's how you set it up it only works when you beat yourself and when you reward yourself but that's a very poor kind of motivation and I'm not just saying that you should stop guilting yourself and whipping yourself to get stuff done I'm also saying you should stop rewarding yourself for getting stuff done this is a much deeper point so in Prior episodes maybe you've heard me talk about the difference between positive and negative motivation and how I say you can't get really far with negative motivation I talk about this a lot in my life purpose course you need to have positive motivation for doing stuff which kind of makes sense to you pretty obvious idea you know if you're always whipping yourself to get stuff done that gets tiring and it's pretty neurotic so instead you want to like give yourself carrots instead of sticks it feels nicer but uh we're going even deeper here this is an even more advanced idea well I'm telling you that even positive motivation is really not good enough to be happy why not because by definition in order to give yourself a carrot and for that carrot to have any meaning in your life that means there need to be moments in your life where you don't have the carrot see so there's a contrast it's like you got to treat yourself right and you're only then happy when you've treatin to yourself for something so what this does is this makes you a dog you've turned yourself into a dog over the last 10 to 20 years of your life that's what you've done right you've trained yourself very carefully you've trained yourself without knowing that you've done this with little rewards it's like yeah I went to the gym and then like you get a little reward and that reward could be you know something like allowing yourself to eat some nice food or that reward could just be a little emotional reward like oh yeah I've been a good little boy or girl today something like that usually the reward is very subtle it's just like an emotional feeling inside you but notice the only reason this emotional feeling can work is because for the rest of the day you know for the first half of the day before you did all this stuff you didn't have it so um that's the problem that's the problem unconditional happiness is that when you are I mean with conditional happiness right that's the problem conditional happiness is because when you set up conditional happiness you guarantee that you will be miserable in your life it's guaranteed that is the structure you're using that's how that structure works so um so if you do that then don't come complaining to me leo I don't like my life Leo this part of my life sucks or I'm stun satisfied here for some reason oh I'm depressed because I'm not fulfilled that's the structure you're using so that's exactly what you're getting so don't be surprised it's working perfectly your life is working perfectly given the structure that you're using so you need to change the structure if you want something better and changing the structure can be a scary proposition because it calls into question your entire structure of motivations and how you view life in general right most people who tell them hey I was happy while my child was being tortured and raped they'll they'll say you're a monster you're not allowed to be happy while your child is tortured and raped as though my suffering is in any way really helping that situation I mean think about it from like a physical standpoint like how is me sitting there and crying over what's happening to my child in any way helping the situation it's a net negative at least if I'm happy well at least I was happy during that thing now you see even the fact that I'm using this example I'm using this example deliberately you know I chose this example because actually in you it actually triggers a like a little emotional response you're like Leo what are you Todd this is this sounds absurd like how could you even say this and I'm not saying that I necessarily would be happy if my child was getting tortured and raped I'm just saying it how weird that sounds to our ears right it sounds weird to our ears to say that but that's what I want to question because if you really think about it logically like it makes no sense to use this kind of structure um the reason it feels weird to you is because your entire motivational system is based upon the premise of carrots and sticks and so you tell yourself no if I was happy while my child was getting tortured and raped that would be terrible because the way my motivation system is structured that means that I would do nothing about it see I have to really really worried and freak the [ __ ] out to take action that's what you're secretly admitting to there you see it's almost inconceivable to you that your child could be being tortured and raped and you're happy as hell but then you go out and take the right action anyways that's hard for you to believe why is that because the way that you use emotions is you use emotions to bully yourself see and so now when we start [ __ ] with your emotional um triggers which are so deeply connected to your motivations when we start to like [ __ ] around with the carrot and the stick that's actually dangerous to you right what you're going to tell you might you're going to tell me as a as an objection you can say Leo what you're advocating here is dangerous yeah it's dangerous because of the [ __ ] motivational system that you have in your mind so what needs to happen here as an ultimate solution is to change your entire foundation for how you're motivated to really see that right now you're not willing to accept unconditional happiness because what you've actually done is you've assimilated into your identity the actions that you take in order to maintain them because motivation authentic motivation is difficult for you what you've done is you've basically done this you said you know what I'm a business person so I'm the type of person who goes to work every morning on time and you know what else I'm a family person so I treat my family well I'm the type of person who treats my family well and you know what else you know I'm a I'm a healthy person I'm the kind of person that goes to the gym consistently and works out etc etc etc right so you you've you've done this so that it's easier for you to motivate yourself because you can tell yourself oh yeah I am these things these are part of who I naturally am so that I'm drawn to do them now you might say well what's wrong with that well oh that's uh it's very problematic you see because what happens when the thing you've assimilated into your identity turns out not to actually produce happiness for you what happens then like let's say you've assimilated into your identity an idea such as I'm an ultra-efficient worker I work really really hard that's who I am see you've done this now and so now what you've done is you've placed this efficient hard worker as a higher priority than happiness you see because it's part of your identity because see now if I tell you hey you're working so hard you're working 90 hours a week maybe you should stop that because it's not getting you happiness you're suffering and you'll say no I can't do that Leo can't do it why not because that's who I am but it's not getting you happiness no leo it doesn't matter that's who I am and there's a problem right because once something becomes a part of who you are it's so painful for you to give it up that you will actually sacrifice lots of happiness to maintain your identity even though it's making you miserable right uh and don't think this is so Farfetch'd don't think that you don't do this in your life what I'm talking about applies right to you and not just to one facet of your life but in many many ways big ways and small ways and you're terrified by the idea of actually letting go of some of the things that in your identity because it's like well leo if I'm not a hard worker it's like I don't even know who I am exactly exactly there's the rub and it's like leo if I'm not a hard worker how am I gonna go to work tomorrow why should I even go to work that means I'm gonna like stop going to work and I'm gonna lose my house and my family my wife's gonna leave me because you know she she she's gonna divorce me if I don't have enough money to you know to provide for us and for our kids and all this stuff you see where your mind goes with this um yeah and that that's a legitimate threat to you that's a real threat so you can't let it go you have to stay being this hard worker and it's all ultimately because you've lost touch of what's really important happiness it's really that simple just happiness but see you have all these rules about how to be happy it sounds ridiculous to you when I say that the reason you're not happy right now or ever in your life is because you don't allow yourself to be you will say no Leo that's [ __ ] ridiculous that you're smoking some hippy you know weed telling me these things that's not what's really keeping me unhappy the reason I'm unhappy is because here's a list Leo I made a list of 50 [ __ ] items one through 50 if I get each one of these then I'll be happy and what I'm telling you that's a [ __ ] lie that's the best one of the biggest [ __ ] tricks that your mind plays on you is coming up with this list and then telling yourself oh all I got to do now is just check every item off this list that's never going to work it's never gonna work you don't understand yet how your mind works that's not possible you see that's not possible because what you're really shooting for is not happiness it's the [ __ ] that you're marking off the list that's really what you're attached to you're attached to your list to your rules and how is the list generated through your the rules in your head so you have rules like well I can only be happy if I earn X amount of money I can only be happy if I'm X amount of body fat percentage I can only be happy if I have a certain kind of a spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend I can only be happy if I'm driving my kind of car that I like I can only be happy if I'm eating sushi three times a week and I can only be happy when there aren't any noisy neighbors around me creating noise and distracting me and I can only be happy when I go to work and I have a nice productive workday and I can only be happy when my kids are being good kids and getting at least B pluses you know they get a B figured it'd be - I'm not going to be happy and so you know for every person they have a different set of rules this set of rules is is basically learned from your childhood and just kind of pick you kind of just pick it up and develop it as you're growing up you know your family values play into it your your religious values your community values you know the TV shows you've watched all this stuff they basically create these kind of rules for you and so there you have it and you wonder why you're not happy you will never be happy under this paradigm what's necessary is for you to realize like ah ah there's a deceptive little game here that my mind is playing on me what if I like goes on these rules could it really be so simple as just letting go of some of these rules there's an ice cream truck driving by it's kind of distracting me anyways um yeah so can I really let go of some of these rules and is it really easy no it's not easy it's difficult what I'm saying is actually extremely difficult for you because you have to really go deep inside your mind in question some of these very you know deep rules that are probably rooted in your childhood and in your home system of morality and in your you know your web of beliefs it's probably even tied in with like your metaphysics and what you think is is true about reality like all that stuff informs then what you want from reality and what you think is necessary from reality to be happy right you might have a rule where it's like I can only be happy if I'm going to church every Sunday and I can only be happy if I'm doing spiritual things and I can only be happy if I'm contributing to mankind in some way what you will eventually discover if you're sticking with me on this self-actualization journey is that if you really want happiness and if you're tired of suffering through your life day after day after day for decades then you have to bite the bullet and accept unconditionally happiness at some point your life and you have to basically allow yourself to be able to be happy no matter what's going on even if all sorts of [ __ ] is happening around you even when things aren't going your way even when your business is failing even when you're lazy even when you're procrastinating you know even when you're depressed you can still be happy that sounds weird and paradoxical but hey that's how the mind works so how do you question these rules well that's a deep inner work right you got to go in there you got to ask yourself why do I feel like I need this to be happy what's the logical connection there and usually what it all boils down to is that somewhere deep in your psyche you feel a deficiency of some kind it's like a hole that needs to be filled and so you honestly believe that if you fill that hole that will complete you but what you don't understand yet is that these holes in your psyche they can't be filled with physical things or with any kind of achievements or successes in the external world all that you can do is you can look inside really deeply and you can realize oh this hole is an illusion in reality there are no holes and me every single moment of my life I'm complete there's nothing more that's necessary and everything else that I get sure it's nice you know I won't reject a nice sushi dinner and I won't reject some you know nice relationship if it comes to me and I won't reject uh you know earning some money but I don't need them to make me happy now you might say well Leo if that was true then why would I do these things at all why would I pursue them at all like think about this if you were equally happy whether you got the sushi dinner or not would you take the sushi dinner that's an interesting thought experiment I encourage you to ponder that for yourself and to see how would you really react if you didn't need the sushi dinner like at all um basically what you would come to is you realize is that life is just a collection of experiences right and one experience is not particularly better or worse than another even though we obviously tell ourselves that some experiences are so much better than others but as you mature as you go with me here on the self-actualization journey one of the biggest things you're going to learn is that really it doesn't matter what the experience is whether I'm eating sushi or not or whether I'm doing this or not what I'm having sex or not it doesn't matter I can learn to enjoy any experience I can find the magic in the experience the fact that there even is an experience at all even if it's an experience of pain of deep pain even that experience is still a remarkable thing in and of itself the problem is that we've really got disconnected from the magic of experience itself over time and so really now like our lives as adults have turned into this obsession of min maxing pleasure it's like well pleasures great and pain is terrible so I'm going to do everything to maximize pleasure and everything to minimize pain and that starts to backfire because it doesn't work too well what you want to do instead to develop yourself towards unconditional happiness which is possible it's not a pipe dream it's possible which takes work ah if you can if you want to move closer to that then what you need to do is you need to start to just see experiences for what they are and appreciate them for what they are like I was in the dentist's office getting my teeth cleaned the other day and I generally don't like going to the dentist it's not a very pleasant experience you know normally we wouldn't call it a pleasant experience when someone is picking around in your teeth with it with a some metal sharp stick but like the more that I'm meditating the more self-inquiry work that I do the more I notice consciousness developing in me the more I can just sit in a dentist's office in even the dentist kind of picking at my teeth and even though the sensation of of her like picking in my teeth is it itself pleasant to me just the fact that that experience is even happening to me at all is already something I can be kind of grateful for and still appreciate on some level now I'm not perfect at this right so I'm not saying that put me in any situation and I'll be perfectly happy I'm not saying that I'm saying that that's kind of like an ideal that you're working towards in this work and it's helpful to realize that oh that's kind of what we're working towards because then it tells you that some of the stuff you're doing you should drop right some of your rules and stuff you're looking for happiness in the wrong spots a really good litmus test that I like for measuring your self-actualization and your capacity to be happy is this one and it is if I lock you in a box like solitary confinement style with no light no entertainment no stimulation no conversation nothing all it is is just like a black box it's very small it's like let's say six feet by six feet by six feet just like a cube and it's got some ventilation holes for air so you don't suffocate and it's got a place for you to go to the bathroom and you're like given food once a day so you don't die of hunger and that's your fate for the rest of your life there is no escape from that you're going to be living in this box forever can you still be happy most people would say no of course not it's ridiculous to even assume that such a thing as possible because look Leo look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs look at all the stuff we need to be happy we need food and air we need and then we need like self-esteem and we need shelter we need freedom and we need friends and we need social contact and love Lea what about love how can you say people can be happy without love love is like essential to the universe and to that's just how human beings are because we're we're wired as social creatures you know all the scientists say that we're social creatures uh I got news for you that's all [ __ ] the reality is that you don't need any of that undeveloped people need that highly develop people don't need that and I don't just mean in the sense that oh well yeah of course leo yeah once I climb the pyramid and I'm at the very top and once I got everything once I got the money and the sex and the food and all this yeah then I don't need it no I'm saying you don't need it right now you don't actually need it the problem is is for you to realize that is a ginormous ginormous obstacle it's not enough for you to just hear me say it and then just to believe it because you still got all those needs inside of you you need to actually is called spiritually purify yourself of those needs that's mostly with spiritual work is about so spiritual work we can say on the one hand is about becoming enlightened and realizing the truth of reality and what you are so that's kind of like the flashy side of spiritual work then there's the very like laborious on flashing side of spiritual work which is purifying yourself of every single need that you have even stuff like the need for food for for water and for air now don't get me wrong I'm not saying you're gonna live very long if you don't get food and water and air you're gonna die but the fact that you need those things and you feel like you need those things to be happy that's the thing we're addressing here so yes you will die without oxygen but believe it or not you can actually develop yourself to the point as a self actualized person that you as you honestly are not attached to needing oxygen what would that mean well that means you have to face the fear of death and you have to overcome your fear of death is that possible yeah it's possible you can overcome your fear of death and if you overcome fear of death for real not as some idea you know sometimes people write me comments in this Italy oh I'm not afraid of death ah that's the biggest load of horseshit I've ever heard um you're totally a friend death totally afraid of death so yeah if you overcome your fear of death then not having oxygen won't be so scary for you and it won't seem that so implausible as a thing to be detached from right notice that when you're detached from something doesn't mean that you abstain from it for the rest of your life it simply means you are not attached to it which is a different thing so anyways as I was saying with this little um image of you living in this box you know if you were really really self actualized if you were really really aware you'd have no problem living in a box without contact from humans without love without business without money without any of this stuff it would not be a problem to you why not because you don't realize yet how extraordinary it feels simply to be conscious see you're totally out of touch with how good you can feel just by realizing that you're conscious an ordinary person you put them in a box like that and we call it torture it's called solitary confinement uh you know some people say that we shouldn't even allow this kind of treatment of our worst criminals the rapists and the murderers we shouldn't allow them to be put into boxes like this but it's only torture because the average mind is so underdeveloped so this is a great lisbon test you know you can just ask yourself any day of the week just ask yourself if I was put in a box would I be happier than I was a week ago and if you could say yes that means you've grown and after five years of doing this work that I'm showing you how to do uh it'll no longer seemed so implausible to you and after ten years to doing this work it'll be like oh man I might actually enjoy living in a box you know if I lived in a box and people just gave me food that actually pretty cool that means I could just sit and meditate 24 [ __ ] 7 that sounds awesome that sounds awesome I want that that might actually be a really good way to live see but to a person who hasn't done any consciousness work doesn't understand awareness hasn't done meditation work you know hasn't had any Samadhi experiences has done any self inquiry hasn't really investigated enlightenment and non-duality and who and what they are then to them this seems like complete hogwash it seems like I'm just you know I'm talking fantasies here not human psychology none of this is real human psychologist is some kind of fantasy you have oh this is real human psychology except that it's a rather extraordinary form of it because it's quite rare and because you don't know very many people like this but believe it or not you can find people in society who can do this it's pretty cool I mean they're pretty rare but they're not that rare I've met dozens of them you can too they're pretty normal people this is the power of doing real deep inner work what do you think detachment is like detachment is not an idea detachments a real thing there are people alive right now who are so detached from meeting anything that they don't even really care about getting air of course they breathe and they live and and they do normal things they don't live in boxes they're just attached and now think of how great life feels to those people because they're not living in a box they're living in a very rich world with color right with light with cars and technology and people and love and animals and nature and all this amazing stuff and they can really soak that [ __ ] in because they're too from it all detachment doesn't make you depressed detachment doesn't make you nihilistic and it doesn't make you demotivated it's like well I don't need anything so I'm not gonna do anything no it frees you up to do whatever the [ __ ] you want it's total freedom with total freedom you could enjoy anything much more so than you can when you're attached to something because have you noticed this that even when you're enjoying something that you really enjoy but are attached to you actually suffer that's a pretty remarkable thing to grasp in your direct experience so a really good example of this you know I experienced this personally whenever I'm eating ice cream and I try to stay away from dairy so I don't eat ice cream very much but you know if I'm eating some kind of dessert that I really love that I rarely eat and I decide to just like splurge and treat myself so I'll get up you know a quart of ice cream or something and I'll be sitting there on my couch eating it and as I'm eating it you know I'm really enjoying it is so good I wish I could just eat it forever but right there I'm suffering because already as I'm digging into that ice cream with my spoon I can see the level of the ice cream gets lower and lower and lower and I already know it's going to get to the bottom and I already know the feeling I'm going to feel when my spoon hits the bottom you know the empty bottom of the carton and then it's like [ __ ] I'm out of ice cream and I already know I'm going to be suffering in five minutes when I hit the bottom I haven't hit the bottom yet I still have a bunch of ice cream to go but already I'm suffering I'm suffering even before I'll really be suffering and that pretty much summarizes what your life is like so yeah there's a lot to be aware of here I encourage you to really work towards just accepting this idea of unconditional happiness rethinking like how would you have to go deep down inside your mind like into the real core of your web of beliefs and rethink some stuff there in order to just be able to say yes to unconditional happiness stuff left change free right your your entire worldview will have to change everything in your life from the past will have to be refactored you'll have to admit to yourself that for the last 10 or 20 years I've been setting up all these rules to be happy and they were all unnecessary and I was just pretending and that can be that can be difficult to accept it could be difficult to fully integrate that right you have to go back into your mind and refactor many experiences and many assumptions you have very core assumptions about life because right now you probably have assumptions such as I need money to be happy and I need a sex to be happy I need all these other things in specific proportions but I want you to really look at that with awareness and to ask yourself wait a minute could these rules for happiness be backfiring on me and maybe I've forgotten what the point of life is that the point of life is not to do [ __ ] it's not to be busy it's not any specific activity it's not any identity structure the point is just pure happiness and that might be quite scary for you to accept because you're going to be lost for a while for a few days or for a week or for a whole month maybe you're going to feel like Manlio you've robbed me of all my motivation I don't know what to do with my life anymore because if I can just be happy with nothing then what the [ __ ] am i doing stay with that that's a super super healthy very deep and very valuable realization to have trust that your motivation will come back to you motivation is one of those things that it's scary to kind of let go of because you feel like man if I if I just undermine my motivation then everything is going to fall apart but actually what you realize that when you let go of your neurotic motivations yeah some things might fall apart but those things that fall apart those are the inauthentic things that's fine let those things fall apart have the courage to go through that initial period of fear and and kind of confusion and loss of direction what will happen then is it your mind will kick back in your mind is a machine for generating motivation on all sorts of levels from the most neurotic to to kind of everyday motivations to the most divine motivations and if you want to move to the most divine and the most beautiful most healthy forms of motivation start to shed some of the neurotic stuff right now that's fueling you all right so good luck with that stay with it and keep the faith I'm signing off go ahead post me your comments down below please remember to click the like button for me share this episode with friend and last they come check out actualized I'll run right here this is my news letter and website there's some exclusive stuff you can find on the site there's a forum you can check out but the newsletter you want to stay on track with because if you sign up to that every single week you'll just be getting updates for me with new content that I'm releasing that will help you to understand more and more about how your mind orders and your mind tends to work in very deceptive and counterintuitive ways that a lot of times you're not aware of and you won't be aware of for decades unless you hear somebody talking about it someone who's done a lot of research on this stuff and continues to the way that I do alright so stick with me this is a self-actualization journey it's a path watch every single new episode use them to build up a really high quality mental model of how this whole process of human development works and then you'll have a power you'll have a power to change your life in whatever ways you want which is the power that you've really been seeking your whole life but you didn't know where to find it you thought you would find that power out there and accomplishments but really the power has been inside you the whole time it's just all about self-knowledge the more self-knowledge you develop and the truer it is the more the world becomes your oyster so sign up stay on track and I'll see you soon with more you